Every single second is a moment in time that passes. And it seems like nothing - but when you're looking back... well, it amounts to everything.
~Ray Bradbury (American Author)
Roughly 25 years ago, I first saw his face. I don't remember the date, but I remember the moment. I can recall where I was standing and who was with me. I remember my father telling me a story about a baby he had seen in the emergency room. As I listened, a little brown boy with a round face and dark curly hair began to take shape in my heart. I was young and didn't completely understand what I saw, but I knew it was important, so, I tucked those thoughts deep in my heart for another day. Years would go by, and I would think of this little brown boy with a round face and dark curly hair on occasion. I shared him with few people. Peter was one of them.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I've always loved the story of Abraham and Sarah. God made them a promise; they waited; God fulfilled His promise. It always seemed like a simple story with a happy ending. Sure, I knew there must have been some struggle over the years, but since Scripture tells the story in roughly four chapters, it was hard for me to imagine how long 25 or so years felt in real time.
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."
~Abraham Lincoln
When I was in my teens, I remember sitting down for my devotional time and simply asking God where in His Word I should turn. Without fail, He always led me to the book of Hebrews. In fact, it happened so often that I thought I was simply imagining it. Regardless, I would faithfully turn and read, not always understanding but simply wanting to obey. As time went on, I grew to love the verses in that book, and they, in turn, took root into my heart. Little did I understand that by reading those verses, I was sharpening my axe. God always sees the end from the beginning, and we can trust Him to plant what we will need far in advance of our needing it.
~Elizabeth Elliot
In the spring of 2016, I knew it was time. So, Peter and I did what we'd become good at doing--we called yet another adoption agency and began yet another round of fingerprinting, background checks, interviews, home visits, and parenting assignments. By this time, we'd figured out how to streamline the process, so we were good to go. Except for the fact that we already had five kids and that put us at a disadvantage. Many birth moms like to give the gift of parenthood to couples without children. The odds were not in our favor. Yet, we applied to an agency in a neighboring state and completed our profile. Then, we waited.
And waited.
Waiting doesn't seem so hard when it only takes up a few chapters in a book. In real life, it's harder than in the movies.
After about a year the time to renew our home study was approaching. Our agency sent out a letter that they had had zero placements in the past year. This was a first in their 20+ year history. But God knew. So, we prayerfully contacted another agency over 600 miles away and were accepted, despite the fact that they only accept out of state families on a limited basis.
Not long after, we began reading the book of Hebrews at church. Nothing escapes God. He is a God Whose signature is in the details. With our church family, we began studying the words that had become so very dear to me, and I was again reminded of Abraham's faith being counted as righteousness.
Just like physical birth pangs come more regularly as the moment of
birth draws near, so did the intensity of the yearning of my heart increase as my little boy's arrival approached.
In the Fall of 2017, I went to WalMart and purchased what we would need to have a little boy in our home. There I was, on a whim, desperately wanting to be like Abraham, without a baby on the horizon, but with five children, ages 11 and under, buying bottles, blue newborn outfits, and a beautiful blanket that I didn't need, but I wanted my son to have. When I got home, I called Peter at work and told him how much I spent for our promised son (I may have also reminded him that Noah built an ark before he saw any rain)...He said what he always says: "ok." Then he came home and set up the crib in our room.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
~I Corinthians 13:7
By the time another 8 months had gone by, I knew we were approaching the time for us think about renewing our homestudy. I was done. The majority of our marriage had already been spent with the intrusion of social workers. I was tired explaining my budget; I was tired of discussing my parenting techniques; I was tired of outlining the delegation of responsibilities in our home and how my upbringing affected my relationships. I was tired of being emotionally invested in expecting. I yearned for normal (whatever that is).
And, that's exactly what I told God. On April 12, 2018. In a prayer meeting at my parents' church. I said I was done. (Unless, of course, He insisted strongly and clearly that I wasn't.)
And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
~I Kings 19:11-13
Years of listening had attuned me to that voice. The same one that Elijah heard. And Moses, and Miriam, and Noah, and Mary. I heard it that night in a little church in Pennsauken, NJ. It said "wait." One month. God asked me to wait until May.
A month later, at that very same church while dropping off my kids for an activity, I answered a call from our agency. A little boy had been born on May 5 and needed a home. His mamma chose us. Why? Because we had a big family.
There are so many more little miracles in Baby G's story, from the way that his mom even found our agency to the two other little boys needing families that crossed our paths before our little boy did to the timing of my shopping spree nearly nine months before his due date. But there are no coincidences with God.
Sometimes I will get a look at my son's face, and I'll pause because my little brown boy with a round face and dark curly hair has been familiar to me for nearly 25 years. Most days, I'm too busy to notice. But every now and again he'll smile or stand still just long enough...and I see it.
When I first walked into the room where I would meet Baby G, I was surprised at my lack of excitement. Even as we brought him back to the hotel and began the adjustment that a new baby requires (including hanging with seven other people and two dogs in a hotel), I expected to be ecstatic at the fulfillment of a promise made to me decades before. But, I wasn't. It was just another normal day filled with relatively normal emotions.
It was then that my husband spoke to me perhaps the most amazing words of life and wisdom. Words that unraveled for me what our Lord talks about in the same book of Hebrews that I had read for years. Peter told me that I wasn't experiencing any kind of overwhelming excitement because what was happening to our family was not news to me. It had been real to me for 20+ years. I had already seen the unseen. I had the experienced the evidence.
the evidence of things not seen.
~Hebrews 11:1
~Hebrews 11:1
