We have a date

In both our adoption experiences, we have had moments that mark our journeys...moments that stand out as memorable. There are the obvious ones--the first time we held the little pickle, our first night as parents, meeting birth mom, getting "the call." Then, there are the less anticipated ones--meeting our social worker[s], mailing in a completed home study packet, choosing an agency, submitting on and interviewing for specific children...the list goes on.

Saturday was one of those moments that fell somewhere between the obvious and the surprising. We called our kids to give them the actual date that they would come home with us. It was a nice thing to be able to do on Valentine's Day. The children were cautiously optimistic.

They've been disappointed before.

Foster mom said they had begun asking her questions about the summer unsure of when they'd finally be clear to come, so she was grateful we could give them a countdown. She felt their excitement had diminished a bit with all the waiting they've been doing.

I can't blame them.

When we went into this match, we did so knowing that it was a legal risk placement. Usually, that means either that the natural parents' rights have not been terminated, or in our case, that an appeal to the termination had been filed. In part, this is what held up the transition from the sending state to ours. Our kids don't know that part...

Some good has come out of all this waiting, though. We heard just over a week ago that the judge (who had given himself an extension at the end of December) had ruled that the state had met the standard for rehabilitation services and that the termination of parental rights was upheld.

I received this ruling with mixed emotions. Anyone who has read the background on my children would wonder what took so long for the state to intervene. It would be so easy to hate their first parents. And yet, I can't bring myself to do so. Somewhere along the line, they were hurt, too, and unless someone stops the cycle, hurt begets hurt, abuse begets abuse, and sin begets sin. My kids' natural parents are paying dearly for theirs.

Make no mistake - I justify no behavior that harms children--physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Yet, bad parenting perpetuates bad parenting unless something or someone stops it. The judge made the right decision. It is past time for my children to have the promise of permanency.

In addition to being able to put to rest the legal risk in our minds and hearts, we have been able to construct the wall needed to add a fourth bedroom upstairs, and we have [mostly] been able to organize our home. Peter and I will be homeschooling, and I have been excited to open the boxes of school books as they arrive.

Tomorrow, we meet with our social worker to go over behavior awareness tools, and Thursday, we have a consultation with an adoption counselor. Things are coming together.

We are buckling in and bracing for the ride of our lives. I'm not sure how we would have come this far without the amazing support of both our natural family and our church family. We owe them many thanks.

Thanks also to my readers for "virtually" joining our journey. Please continue to pray for us! The hard  (yet rewarding) part is yet to come.