Peter was on a business trip in
Virginia when we got the call that we had been chosen to parent our amazing little
girl. Within twelve hours, I met Peter at Philadelphia International airport
and we began our cross-country journey to Utah via Arizona.
We met A and her amazing first
mom, M, at the hospital on Thursday evening. Both mom and baby were scheduled
to be discharged on Friday morning, so Peter and I had breakfast, rushed to
purchase a car seat, and arrived at the hospital only to discover that our baby
(not yet legally ours) had been rushed for a CT scan after M had discovered an
indentation (a ping-pong fracture) in her skull. She had so much hair even as
an infant that it wasn’t initially visible.
The next several hours were spent
listening to the team of residents tell us about possible skull surgery to reverse
the indentation. In some ways it was overwhelming, but it was also strange
because we had not yet signed any custody papers, so while the agency certainly
wanted to follow our lead, the ultimate decision was legally theirs to make. M
had relinquished her rights in Utah, but New Jersey required a longer waiting
period, so for the interim our baby was in the custody of our agency. A strange
feeling.
Mid-afternoon, the Chief of
Neurology told us he thought the problem would fix itself and that surgery
wasn’t necessary, so we agreed to follow up at CHOP in a few months.
Our baby spent her first week and
a half outside the womb in a hotel room sleeping in a drawer because there were
no available cribs. During our time away, one of our dogs managed to swallow a nylon
stocking. He needed surgery (with 17 staples!) to remove it. We passed our days
in Utah visiting with A’s first family, figuring out how to be parents in a
strange city away from family, and waiting for the courts to approve us to
travel home. We were finally cleared on Friday, December 21, and at around 3am
on Saturday we boarded the Amtrak train for home. We finally arrived at 30th
street station in Philadelphia around 5pm on Christmas Eve. It was a whirlwind
of a time for us.
But amid all the excitement and
extensive process, there are two moments seared into my memory. The first was
the moment that we left the hospital. I will never forget the incredible
juxtaposition of emotions as we sat in the coffee shop of the hospital with M
and said our goodbyes. I cried as we left. There are few words for me to
describe what an amazing woman she is to have loved so much. She is certainly
braver than I.
The second is during a luncheon
we had with A’s first family. Her first mom’s father held her, gazing at her
little face as if to memorize each feature. He was a quiet man, but oh how I
could see such love on his face.
Adoption is hard. Today, I
rejoice with my little girl as she turns four. She is precocious, sensitive,
full of love, determined, and she has an amazing sense of humor. I am eternally
grateful that I get to spend every day loving life with her. But today
underneath all the joy and excitement, my heart grieves for another mother who
has missed all the precious milestones. My great joy comes at the expense of
another woman’s great loss. She is the bravest woman I know.
"A child born to another woman calls me mom.
The depth of the tragedy and
the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me."
- Jody Landers
Beautiful! And emotional! What a precious story of love, makes me think of our saviors love for us was so great he was willing to give his son and Abrahams test of love being asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. This is a story of two types of incredible love and a very blessed little lady A.
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