Trusting

Well, it turns out that little girl isn't part of this adoption. That doesn't mean that the family chosen for the boys won't be able to adopt her; it just means...well...I'm not completely sure what it means. But, I know my heart hurts. Of course, I don't really have the right to be disappointed just yet. After all, we haven't been chosen to parent these precious kids. But, there is still sadness knowing that the children may have to be separated, even if for a little while.  Foster children have already experienced so much loss in their young lives, it's hard to know that more may be coming.

On a brighter note, in the midst of the craziness of the past week - the different information depending where I call, the challenge of filling out another comprehensive set of paperwork, scheduling fingerprints (two separate times, days apart), and trying to manage our crazy calendars to fit upcoming trainings and interviews - I got an email yesterday from a social worker who is our appointed representative at the matching conference next month. This was a nice surprise. Basically, as I understand it, her job is to get to know us and then be our advocate when the committee meets to choose a family for the boys.

I suppose I didn't expect so much involvement before being chosen. When we adopted A, we submitted our home study a number of times (two dozen maybe?) before A's birth mom chose us. Those rejections weren't fun, but they were pretty straightforward: we read background info and decided whether or not to submit; birth mom either chose or didn't choose us.  We didn't have any contact with the birth family; we didn't even have any real identifying information - just first names and states of residence and some generic health and situational info. No "real" connections.

In this, our second adoption experience, we get to see pictures of the children before we even submit, and we get to hear a bit about their backgrounds and personalities. Most often, we don't hear anything unless we are being preliminarily considered. In the case of these boys for which we are one of three families, we have seen pictures, spoken with foster mom, read background info, heard their stories, etc. My heart started to attach long ago, and nothing is certain yet. Except the most important thing: God is in control of this whole situation.

From the first time I saw these boys, I have prayed that the Lord would place them in the home that HE has chosen for them.  Of course, I hope that home is ours, but more important than what I want is what He wants, after all, they do belong to Him first. So, when we pray, we ask that the Lord would place these children in the home where they best can receive what they need to become what He created them to be. If you feel so inclined, we would welcome your prayers to that end, too. With all our kids we really need to remember that they first belong to God Who then gives us the privilege to raise them. Just as Hannah gave Samuel to the Lord none of us really can lay claim to our children.

So...as we wait to see how this unfolds, we will do our part to update paperwork, attend trainings, compile family picture books, and research necessary resources. And, we'll trust that God knows the end from the beginning.